About Bayanda Mzoneli
Bayanda Mzoneli is a public servant. He writes in his personal capacity.
An obvious fact that is rarely considered is that the absolute territorial body control of oneself specifically ends at the tips of one’s own limbs. Beyond that you have very little, if any, control or jurisdiction in your environment, people around you or people you choose to associate with.
It is a matter of fact that if you are a man, you have full control on what to do with your penis, on your own, or with those who consent to doing something with you that involves it. You have complete liberty to do with it as you wish.
With the advances in technology, apparently you may now even bequeath it when you die, for surgeons at the University of Stellenbosch, in Cape Town, to transplant it to someone who might need it. It is your penis.
However, as a man, you have zero control, or say, on what any woman does with their vagina. You might find new love, be in a long time relationship, co-habit or even marry a woman, but it still does not entitle you to have any control, or say, in what she does with her vagina. It is her vagina.
A subset of proof of this is that her vagina is on her. But additional proof could be that the woman you choose to associate with is probably an adult, who has a right to make her own decisions with her body, particularly the vagina, including decisions that you, as a man, may not like, agree with or perceive as wrong. It is her vagina.
You may think because you have overcome adversity with her, or helped her through her studies, helped support her child, gave her shelter, paid lobola or married her, you might have exclusive rights to her vagina, but you do not. You are entitled to your religious, or culturally, driven self-delusion about her vagina, but the reality is that her vagina is hers. Her vagina is on her to do with it as she pleases, including doing with it, what you think is wrong. The only time, or circumstances, in which as man, you may have a say on a woman’s vagina is never. It is her vagina.
There are many charities that give financial and other forms of support to women without expecting exclusive rights on their vagina. That you chose to voluntarily help her, or voluntary acceded to her request for help, does not entitle you to her vagina. She does not owe you, unless there was a written conditional bursary agreement to that effect, which would still not count, as it would be unlawful to have a condition that involves a vagina. It is her vagina.
As a man, a woman whom you may be a relationship with, or married to, may opt to consent to having sexual intercourse with anyone she willingly allows to, and at anytime convenient to her, with or without using a condom. She could allow a man, men, woman or women.
She can allow a man, who is not you, to insert his penis in her vagina. Her efforts to get the said man’s penis erect using her mouth or hands or both, might precede this. It is her body.
They may make love in missionary, dog-style, or she may choose to get on top and ride his dick, sideways, cowgirl or reverse cowgirl. They may also fuck in the car, on the side of the road, in the office, in the apartment you share with her, or anywhere that is convenient to them. It is her vagina.
She does not need a reason to willingly allow a guy who is not you to insert his penis in her vagina. It is her vagina.
As a side comment, she might actually like it, which is sometimes the point, and all that matters. Your innate low self-esteem jealousy of wondering whether his size, endurance, reboot time and laps, exceeds yours is none of her business. She is not running a competition. It is her vagina.
For whatever reason, or no reason at all, she may lie to your about her whereabouts or where she went, when she went to have sexual intercourse with the other guy.
Her lies, in case you find out they were lies, may seem like betrayal or disloyalty. The reason it would seem as such to you is because you thought she owed you her loyalty, but in reality she does not. Nobody owes you anything, except for legitimate written contracts, signed lawfully, in the jurisdiction of the relevant magisterial district.
You may be in a relationship with her, share an apartment, or married but you are not her parole officer. She is not committing a crime by lying about her whereabouts to you, at most she is only probably transgressing your imaginary morals, which are primarily yours, not hers, whereas her vagina is hers, not yours. It is her vagina.
You may tell her how unhappy you are with what she does with her vagina, but you should not do anything more than that. If your sense of unhappiness includes uncontrollable anger, it would serve you well to dissociate yourself with her. Just as you had a life before you met her, you will have a life after her. So will she, with her vagina. It is her vagina.
She does not owe you an explanation on why she might have allowed another guy to insert his penis on her vagina, instead of you. She does not need a reason to have sexual intercourse with whomever she pleases. All she needs is her vagina, which is already hers because it is on her. It is her vagina.
If she lies to you about why she had sex with another guy or gives a self-contradictory account of what happened, you probably deserve being lied to and have only yourself to blame for having attempted to be a vagina jurist.
Studies have shown that beating someone you disagree with, or killing them, does not lead to changed behavior on their part, nor does it erase your anger or embarrassment. The most obvious proof of this is the struggle for liberation in South Africa. The apartheid government killed a lot of people and tortured a whole lot more. It is common knowledge how that went.
What tends to help is dissociating yourself, with that person, who does not share your beliefs, values, morals or whatever you think they should adhere to regarding their own vagina. That is why there is break up, divorce, termination of employment, resignation and similar mechanisms to dissociate oneself with people that annoy you.
If, for whatever reason, you choose to stay with her in spite of that you found out that another guy had his penis in her vagina, be mindful that she has the liberty to do it again, with the same, or different guy, if she so wishes.
Even if she apologises to you for hurting your feelings and your fragile ego, expresses remorse, and explicitly promises you that she will not do it again, she would still have the liberty to do it again, again and again, as her vagina is hers to do with it as she pleases.
If you are a Christian, you would do well to keep a spreadsheet to keep track of how many times she has sexual intercourse with other men, as forgiving her has a prescribed limit of seventy seven times (See Mat 18:21-22). Then when she does it the seventh eighth time, you may be obligated to break up with her or divorce her.
To be inclusive, and not leave out the cultural extremists, for each time she does it, please kill a goat, or a black chicken, to your heart’s content, just do not assault the woman in question.
So the only time when it is justified to assault a woman, verbally abuse her, or to kill her, is never.
As your friends or relatives might not read this text, let them benefit from that you have read it. The next time your friend, or relative, tells you how he is having problems with a woman he is in a relationship with, advise him to either get over it or leave her.
very helpful, thank you